When you are in an abusive marriage, you are only a shell of a person. On the outside, you may look normal, even happy. That is the shell that you are showing the outside world.
But on the inside? Well, that’s another story.
You’re broken. You’re beaten down. Your self-esteem has been hijacked. You have zero self-confidence. You doubt yourself. You feel TRAPPED. You’re pretty much a hostage in your own LIFE. You feel like you can’t change it. Either because of your kids, or because of threats made if you do.
You probably are not taking care of yourself. That’s what happens to victims of abuse. You don’t think you matter, so you stop caring. You stop getting regular checkups and mammograms. You eat junk food because it makes you feel better in the moment. And when’s the last time you exercised? Or went to a spa? Or even took a bubble bath by candlelight?
You may take great physical care of your kids, but how good of a parent can you possibly be when you are hollow on the inside? When you’re with them, are you living in the moment? Or are you constantly preoccupied with how miserable and hopeless you truly are?
And because you’re not taking care of yourself, and because you are being systematically eroded, you are EXHAUSTED. Even if you knew what to do, you’d be too tired to do it.
You’re going through the motions of life, but you’re not living.
Does this sound like you? Do you feel like there is no recourse?
I’m here to tell you that there is.
You can change your situation, but it’s going to take work. But it’s worth it. MAN, is it worth it!
IT ALL STARTS IN YOUR HEAD.
Here are the 3 ESSENTIAL STEPS you must take to get out of an abusive marriage.
- DECIDE. You have got to DECIDE that you are going to make things change. I mean, dedicate your life to making this change. No matter how tired you feel, or how scared you get, or how overwhelming it seems, you have got to COMMIT to doing whatever it takes to see this thing through. Can you make that commitment? Great. This is the first step in moving from VICTIM MODE to SURVIVOR MODE.
- SAY AFFIRMATIONS. Sound silly? Every person who has created great change in their life has used this technique, so you should definitely get on board. Write out the attributes you want to see in yourself, and receive them and read them (out loud if possible) at least once every day. Here are just a few examples:
I am strong.
I am resilient.
I’m a great mother.
I’m a leader, not a follower.
I am smart.
I am confident.
I can create change in my life….
3. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You’re going to need your strength and your wits to dodge whatever is going to get thrown at you, so start eating better, exercising, drinking lots of water and sleeping 8 hours. Create some self-care rituals, like taking bubble baths, or reading self-help literature or watching inspirational videos. And cut out any self-destructive behaviors like over-drinking, using tobacco or recreational drugs.
I know this seems like a lot right now. BABY STEPS! Do one good thing for yourself today. Then another tomorrow. It will get easier and easier as you get stronger and stronger. Promise.