This month, we’ve been talking about all of the different types of abuse in marriage. And we’ve talked about how important it is for you to remove yourself from an abusive relationship and create a new, safe, loving, healthy life, for your own sake and for the sake of your children.
But how do you heal?
The scars you receive from abuse are not always visible, and they can take much longer to go away.
First, accept that you’ve been hurt. Deeply hurt. Maybe you feel duped, or taken advantage of, or betrayed by someone you trusted, even loved. You feel unsure of yourself. Your self-confidence and self-esteem have been shattered. Your heart is in your throat, and you are constantly on the verge of tears.
This is all normal. There is nothing wrong with you. So be kind to yourself. Imagine how you would care for a friend or relative who was sick. Well, that’s how you should be caring for yourself right now. Rest often. Fluff your pillow. Make yourself some homemade soup that will nourish your body and soul. Tell yourself positive, reassuring things. Be your own nurse.
Don’t think that you can (or should) just snap out of it. And stay away from people who tell you to do just that. This takes time. True, you can’t just stay in bed all day. You do have to get on with your life, work at your career and take care of your kids. So how do you juggle all of this?
Compartmentalize.
Put the grief and pain you are feeling away in a separate compartment in your brain. It’s all still there, but you are choosing not to think about it right now. Then schedule time to deal with your broken heart and crushed soul. Mark it on your calendar:
2:00-3:00pm: Grieve
When it’s not your scheduled time to work on healing, you go on with the business of your life. Now all that hurt will not get in the way, because it’s been put away in a separate compartment.
Try it. It works. You may have to practice a bit, but don’t give up. Your mind is a miraculous instrument, capable of amazing things.
You will find that after a few scheduled “appointments” to deal with your pain, it will start to diminish until finally you won’t even feel the need to address it.
And then you will be healed.